in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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