I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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