based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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