She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
