Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I smell like Dick and happiness
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
