i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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