I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
