: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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