im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I need a burrito and a hug.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
