Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
