half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Enjoy the penises
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
