today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
