last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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