I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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