i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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