Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We named our party play list daddy issues
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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