Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
