Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
