hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm both gender and math confused
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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