Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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