I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
