Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
