Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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