Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
