If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
