Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
