The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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