He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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