bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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