you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
