That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize