my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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