The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
