I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wear drunk well.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
