Don't you send me to vm
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
