No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
