Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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