Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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