grandma shit on top of the toilet
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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