What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
