Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Randomize
