I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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