I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
