He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
