Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
