I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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