I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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