Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
