My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
