Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
