im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize