She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize