Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize