just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
