i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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