All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
