I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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