Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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