She is in my trunk
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
