so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
