I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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