she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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