He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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