You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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