im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.