I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
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found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...