did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.