Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.