I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
