ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  he wants to bone in the snuggie

  Fav 14 2912 1172

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.

  Fav 5 889 3217

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

  Fav 10 4775 823

  share tweet
  

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.

  Fav 58 995 4067

  share tweet
  
• 

  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (352): View more from Florida

  Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?

  Fav 23 4956 1009

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

  Fav 6 3963 983

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times

  Fav 8 3344 1090

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.

  Fav 10 1250 2087

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

  Fav 7 826 1467

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...

  Fav 6 699 1530

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  you texted me "dude im face"

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it sounded so right at the time

  Fav 7 1833 861

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (831): View more from California

  Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

  Fav 3 800 569

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.

  Fav 0 732 568

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.

  Fav 3 302 82

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.

  Fav 0 84 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize