Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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