Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

but fathers day is next sunday

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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(781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day (617): but fathers day is next sunday (781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet http://tfl.nu/pxvx

Replies (14) Good night (999) Bad night (4405)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish

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(828): Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish http://tfl.nu/vvox

Replies (13) Good night (4426) Bad night (836)
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(619): View more from California

The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.

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(619): The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear. http://tfl.nu/8fu9

Replies (11) Good night (4907) Bad night (1887)
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(415): View more from California

is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?

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(415): is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes? http://tfl.nu/tmmj

Replies (7) Good night (3610) Bad night (1219)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"

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(715): You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts" http://tfl.nu/ong1

Replies (12) Good night (2008) Bad night (5288)
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(719): View more from Colorado

we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall

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(719): we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall http://tfl.nu/c3tv

Replies (11) Good night (3985) Bad night (1549)
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(240): View more from Maryland

We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.

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(240): We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit. http://tfl.nu/8ktk

Replies (18) Good night (3265) Bad night (1396)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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(304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha

Replies (8) Good night (3660) Bad night (1417)
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(512): View more from Texas

I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing

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(512): I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing http://tfl.nu/1m78

Replies (2) Good night (1082) Bad night (1611)
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(980): View more from North Carolina

I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?

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(980): I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap? http://tfl.nu/ykcv

Replies (11) Good night (858) Bad night (2400)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

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(603): Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today. (603): Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me. http://tfl.nu/6wu2

Replies (3) Good night (2867) Bad night (743)
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(760): View more from California

Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.

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(760): Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security. http://tfl.nu/lxl5

Replies (9) Good night (1616) Bad night (593)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Did you high five my face last night?

(417): View more from Missouri

Yes. Yes I did.

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(573): Did you high five my face last night? (417): Yes. Yes I did. http://tfl.nu/h5yc

Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (463)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.

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(804): I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of. http://tfl.nu/8q9f

Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (618)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wish drunk me came with subtitles

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(860): I wish drunk me came with subtitles http://tfl.nu/t49l

Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (223)

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