Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
