he wants to bone in the snuggie
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.