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you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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