My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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