i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
