apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
