Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
